Kia ora koutou katoa/hey everybody!

The above-noted question has been asked of me more than once. Almost as if one is at the exclusion of the other. My answer? Bloody oath I can!

Being disabled in a markedly abled society is tough, it isn’t easy, be you a wheelchair user, visually impaired, deaf, autistic, living with cerebral palsy and all other disabilities people live with. For me, as a wheelchair user every day is a challenge, be it from getting up, toileting, showering, and yes, dressing. All the afore-mentioned activities consumes about 4 times the energy that an abled-bodied person consumes for the same. The rest of my day is so on and so forth. 

Negotiating around a non-accessible world can also be extremely frustrating, for example, I was at a Be. Leadership in Governance programme at a hotel here in Auckland, NZ last Friday and Saturday. I was given an accessible room – as you would expect. There was a 25mm steel lip at the doorway to the room, no problem? Absolutely there was! The door was spring loaded very, very tight so trying to open and then hold a door open, that’s fighting you to shut while you try and raise your front castors to hurdle the lip, is a straight-out hefty problem!

Once inside the room, I checked out the accessible bathroom. Wet floor? – check, accessible toilet? – ah . . ., no . . ., my commode chair fitted over the toilet bowl, but the bowl was set hard against the wall, so the commode chair didn’t fit over it fully. Aaaargh! Problem-solving and innovative thinking, a disabled person’s superpower, was required to resolve this issue. Achieved and done.

These are but a couple of examples of the circumstances that I and most other disabled persons are confronted with on a daily basis ad nauseum. So, life is a constant challenge, but is that challenge(s) a reason to feel overwhelmed, and frustrated at times? Yes, certainly they are on occasion, but are they the reason not to be happy? I say NO! Wishful thinking you may say, I counter that with this . . .

Happiness is a choice.

It is not a result of circumstances.

Happiness IS a choice, a choice you can and should always contemplate and in turn, want to make. Is it easy? Not always, sure, but one should always look to the positive – the half-full, not the half-empty glass, (this is how I think). I do admit yes, this is easier to say than do, but then no truly good thing is right? All the more reason to try I say.

Given all this, how then can happiness be achieved? I believe there are 10 steps towards helping you to be happy, and to experience happiness. Not all will resonate with you but they are certainly worth the effort to consider:

• Be with others who make you smile. I believe that we are happiest when we are around those who are also happy. Stick with those who are joyful and let it rub off on you. Not so easy in practice I admit but a terrific starting point, nevertheless.
• Hold on to your values, even in the difficult times. What you find true, what you know is fair, (even when it seems all is unfair), and what you believe in are all values. Over time, the more you honour them, the better you will feel about yourself and those you love.
• Accept the good. Look at your life and take stock of what’s working, and don’t push away something just because it isn’t perfect. This is especially important when confronting the challenges faced during the day. When good things happen, even the very little ones, embrace them. Be that glass half-filled guy or gal.
• Imagine the best. Be a realist, accept where you and your situation are at right now but don’t be afraid to look at what you really want and see yourself getting it. Establish your major and end goal but at the same time set short and medium goals that assist you towards possibly achieving your end goal. Many people avoid this process because they don’t want to be disappointed if things don’t work out they don’t achieve their end goal, because unfortunately sometimes it doesn’t, and they don’t. Always keep in mind, however, forevermore be conscious of the fact that you can celebrate those short and medium goals achieved on your journey. 
• Do things you love no matter how inconsequential they may seem. Maybe you can’t walk around, be at one with all that’s going on, skydive every day but as long as you get to do the things you love every once in a while, you will find greater happiness.
• Find purpose. Chase your goals. There is a mantra of mine – do not let what you cannot do, stop you from doing what you can – do not be afraid to try things, always reward the try. Also remember that those who believe they are contributing by doing tend to feel better about their lives.
• Listen to your heart. You are the only one who knows what fills you up. Your family and friends may think you’d be great at something that really doesn’t float your boat. Saying no can be a blessing every once and a while. It can be complicated following the journey to one’s happiness. Complicated doesn’t mean unachievable though.
• Push yourself, not others. It’s easy to feel that someone else is responsible for your fulfilment, your happiness but the reality is that it is you are the one in charge. Once you realise that and stop blaming others or the world, you’ll find your answers much sooner.
• Be open to change. Even if it doesn’t feel good at the start, change is constant and the one thing you can count on. Change will happen, so make contingency plans and emotionally shore yourself up for the experience.
• Bask in the simple pleasures. Those who love you, treasured memories, silly jokes, warm days, and starry nights—these are the ties that bind and the gifts that keep on giving.

I’m not saying these 10 steps are absolute like the 10 commandments, to be kept and adhered to religiously. These are steps I take, not necessarily in their given order either, that help me to ‘get through’ my day, that assist me towards achieving happiness. 

In my case, being a wheelchair user is bloody hard work as I know most other disabled persons find living in an abled and not necessarily accessible world find daily life. Yet I and most others I know accept this reality, and focus on what can be done not what can’t. I therefore achieve, I feel fulfilled and yes, I attain happiness. If I can then anyone can. 

About the author

Ian Walker is a C6 Quadriplegic Incomplete. Ian lives in Christchurch, New Zealand and has survived 2 separate spinal cord injury-related accidents over the past 14 years. He is a Motivational Speaker who talks about - how to face adversity, cycle road safety, living with a disability, and being a 1 percenter . . .

Ian also enjoys life coaching which he utilises through his business BMotiv8d, to assist those with a disability, (or without), who lack motivation, direction and/or confidence, those who feel disorganised or unfulfilled, and/or those who need encouragement or need to set priorities, on how to realise their true potential.